if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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