This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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