I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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