Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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