new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just want to make out with him forever
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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