had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
