Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
