yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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