Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
dude. I can hear the air.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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