the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
