Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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