Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I lost the right to judge tonight
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
