First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
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Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
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I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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