What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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