Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
