mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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