I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
