i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
