I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
