Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
