Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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