Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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