She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
