He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
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Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
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I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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