didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
