i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
