he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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