First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
