Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
