You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
