I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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