I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
