Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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