It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
