God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
