You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
