thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
