theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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