I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
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I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
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Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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