did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
