whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Screwed.edu
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
