there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
