Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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