Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
