i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
