you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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