D3 body, D1 cock
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
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