My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Come on in and take your pants off
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
