I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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