i think my tv is drunk
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
