Christians are straight up FREAKS
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
