I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
