To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We don't watch enough power rangers
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
