So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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