i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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