Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
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You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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