My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
