its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
