you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
