I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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