I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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