I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
