I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
