This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
