The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
