Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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