My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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